My heart aches…I miss my boys….being home…my routine…being the mom I used to be. It aches every single time I walk into the hospital…the number of sick people right in front of my eyes…to the friends I’ve made in the waiting room…to the woman battling this fight all alone because she doesn’t have anyone…for my family, friends and everyone that has been by my side for their constant worry about me.
Then I shake my head, take a deep breath and remember the big picture. How lucky am I? In the grand schemes of life, this is such a short amount of time away from my boys so that I can see them grow the rest of their lives. I continue to shake my head and open my eyes and see the joy Natalie brings to the hospital…everyone knows her. They know when she arrives because her smile lights the room, her wave stays high in the air and the babbling and screaming that she has arrived can’t be missed.
Today is day 12 of 30. I’m getting there. The first few sessions were not bad and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Some days are way worse than others but I’ve been warned I’m going to have a lot of those days. I honestly don’t know where the days have gone or where my brain has gone either. I can’t think straight, I can’t remember anything and the time just passes. I just started taking pain medication around the clock but my brain was gone before that. Perhaps this full dose of a nerve blocker is blocking the way my brain normally works? I’ll have to ask the doctor.
My heart aches a lot right now and it has been for a long time, but I know after all of this it will be by far the strongest muscle in my body.
Here’s a picture of me during my daily treatment.
thegladwinfive 
You’re a fighter, and the bravest person I know. Our prayers are with you.The Ball family
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Hi Sweetheart! I know you are having many ups and downs, more downs some days but when this is all over you will be back with your beautiful family. Eventually this will all seen like a bad dream. I think of you every day and send heartfelt prayers, love and positive thoughts to you! Love,
Aunt Donna
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May gods blessing be with you and your strength.
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My Darling, you are so amazing. To be part of the love surrounding you to give you the strength to beat this and get you back with your family is very humbling. It was lovely to see the recent photos of you all. We love you all very much and, as always, you’re in my prayers every day; always say look after our Jess make her better. Love you all so much. God bless my darling. Sue, Oete, Alex and Kayleigh Xxxxxxxx💕💕💕💕
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Jessica,
I hate that you are going through this. I will keep you and your beautiful family in my prayers. Sending hugs through this computer. Hope to hear from you again soon.
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