I don’t even know where to begin. After waking up extremely early to drive to the University of Penn for surgery on the Monday morning after vacation, no sooner did I arrive and I was quickly prompted to change into my gown for surgery.

My doctor came to meet with me and informed me that he spoke with my surgeon from the Mayo Clinic and they both agreed to have a complete right neck dissection as well as scope my larynx, which was the original plan. He continued to tell me if anything showed on the larynx that was suspicious a small scrape would be removed for a biopsy and the neck dissection would follow since “the cancer needs to be removed.” This was all news I knew and was prepared for, however as my doctor was talking to me the most fearful term radiation came up. Per the doctors discussion I most likely would be recommended for radiation since it’s now affected both sides of my neck. I started to question, get scared and cry as my doctor tried to ease me before surgery. “Let’s see how everything looks, it’s not definite.”

Upon completion of surgery, my doctor spoke with Rob and my mom and informed them that he removed all the lymph nodes on the right side and more than one lymph node was suspicious. Of course we won’t know how many were cancerous until the pathology report comes back. However,since the recommendations of both of my surgeons is to have the radiation, it looks like I will be doing that treatment.

 
Seriously this sucks! 

 
My doctor from Penn is recommending I get radiation from John Hopkins, since the doctor there is the best in treating the larynx with radiation with the least side effects. Nothing is set in stone yet but I will most likely be having radiation to my larynx (original cancer site) and to both sides of my neck. Even if cancer does not show on my larynx I am in the window for it to come back and if I just treat my neck then a barrier would be created and I would not be able to have radiation to the larynx IF something returned. (Radiation to the head and neck can only happen once in a lifetime).

 
This is all so much to take in. I really thought I was on the mend to getting my life back together and here it is…starting all over again. I will find out more information regarding radiation in the next few weeks, but it won’t start for a minimum of 6 weeks, so the neck dissection can heal.

 
As I came home from the hospital with a major incision across my neck, two drains and to three sick and fevered children I begin to question when will this black cloud leave?

 
All I know is that without my amazing support system I would NOT be functioning.