“Mommy, you stay at the doctors a long time today. You can come home when you’re all better,” said Bobby, my four-year old.
Bobby is the sweetest, most caring little boy. He looks at me every day since I have been home from my most recent surgery with such concern on his face. From his innocent eyes he sees this huge incision across my neck and two drains poking and hanging down filling with fluids. He walks me to my bedroom during the day and asks to cover me up with the blankets and closes the door so I can “rest.” He is never prompted, he just wants me to get better so “we can go places.”
Little does this four-year old know that he is giving me the most encouraging words in the world. Bobby, Brody and Natalie are three of my reasons for this fight. They need their mommy. I may not be the best mom to them that I can be right now, but I will get better and I will be the best mom to them for the rest of their lives.
I attended my post op appointment today to talk to my doctor about my serve pain – which an increase in pain medicine was prescribed, discussed keeping my drains in until next week – since there is still too much output and I don’t need more swelling, discussed scheduling my appointment to meet with the radiologist at John Hopkins sometime next week and was informed that in addition to radiation therapy I may also need chemotherapy depending on the pathology report. “SURE! Why not?! Just add it to the list!”
This has all been so much to process and so much to manage. All I know is that the fight is really just beginning when I thought it was about over. I need to recover from this surgery as quickly and as best as I can so I can prepare myself physically, mentally and emotionally for the most difficult time of my life. I don’t know exactly what radiation (maybe chemotherapy) is going to involve, but I do know that I am not willing to settle for anything less than the best care, which now involves me going to John Hopkins. I deserve it and so does my family.
I will continue to do whatever is necessary and although I keep getting knocked down, NOTHING will stop me from standing up.